Goodbye 2020: Grappling with the aftermath.

Wowsers. What a year! I don't know how everyone else feels, but the common belief of most of my friends is that the liquor stores were absolutely essential. It becomes difficult to even head back to the beginning of January, 2020, doesn't it? Trying to reflect on anything other than total fear of the unknown makes it hard to reach back into our memory of what we were really hoping to accomplish as our goals fell to the wayside.

Here are the things that I have considered:

We survived something that some did not.
We saw things that solidified our perspectives.
We spent less time on the noise of others.
We spent more time with those that live in our homes.
We spent more time getting to know ourselves as individuals.
We spent less time worrying about what others thought.
We spent more time thinking about what really matters.
We talked and face-timed our way through relationships, instead of relying on texts.
We found things to do.
We created fun with nothing.
We saw a reality quite different than viewing our neck of the woods.
We realized that, no matter what, we all had struggles.
We saw compassion that we had not seen before.

It really is horrible to look back at the year, for me. Even thinking about my own survival, there is a feeling of guiltiness. I think back to Italy in total despair. I glance, in a horror, at the daily news reports that are still in my mind. I remember how fear gripped me, even through my prayers.

As a business owner, I had so many things to research and plan. I felt as though I had the entire future of so many people in the palms of my hand with knowing that I had zero idea how things would change. That thought alone kept me focused on prayer and scripture, with a side of curse words that 2020 really deserved. As we figured out our best course of action, I decided that weekly Zooms would be a great way to reconnect with everyone that we normally see every day. What I did not expect was the heartache.

In all of my future years, I hope to never again go through the despair that I saw in my friends eyes. I hope to not see all of my coworkers cry through our virtual meetings. I hope to never be disconnected from those I love. I hope to always know the joy that each person brings to my life, even through the trials that we may hit together.

I am glad that those around me have made it through. I feel selfish in my heart, knowing that many people across the world lost loved ones. To say, "Goodbye, 2020, and hello, 2021" leaves me little solace; it does give me peace to trust in those around my circle.